Okay, so we've come to a fork in the road, folks.

I'm probably not going to be updating this journal anymore. It's staying up, because I'm like that, and may get renamed, but I've moved so much of my emotional and temporal investment to the other journal that it's kind of stupid to keep up the pretense.

If you want to stay in touch with me, please, please, please friend azurejay. I'll be friending around a little bit, but I don't want to presume you're interested in keeping up with my life anymore, so please friend first if you are.

azurejay doesn't have quite so many meat life details, and it is primarily a journal for my involvement in bandom, but! It's still me, and I miss you guys.

Anyway. I'm probably going to start crying if I keep thinking about the fact that I'm making this entry. Sorry.

Bye.

A month later, for sarken: "I Don't Care (Suave Suarez Remix)," and "America's Suitehearts" (such a good song).

In other news, oh my god. I reorganized all my HTML files, 'cause new website, having to recode shit, etc., and I realized that I. Don't. Have. A bunch of my Sports Night stuff in HTML. Like, I know it got upped to the old site, but I don't have the files on my computer, and the old site is gone poof!. And I'm talking, like, all my drabbles. Oh my god.

I should be able to get the drabbles from sn100 directly, and the regular fic from this journal, but seriously. If not, I will be such an emo bear, you have no idea.

eta: And my paid account expired! Because I forgot to renew! Awesome!

Whatever, I'm going to bed. *throws hands up*

Bye.

Of the things I needed to do today (write, transcribe some bandom media stuff, and buy a new dresser), I accomplished exactly none.

However, I did go pick up my paystub and fill out an overtime slip for yesterday morning, and I did go grocery shopping, and I did go to Starbucks and have a delicious apple drink thing, and I did do all of this with the bf, who is awesome. I did come home and have pizza and then go to a community meeting regarding the closing of the only actual grocery store in my neighbourhood (the only other option for the mobility-challenged/transit-dependent being the foodstuffs aisle at Walmart; grr argh grr BJ smash corporate capitalism), and I did come home again and eat some ice cream and watch Snatch for the fifty millionth time, again, all of this with my awesome bf.

So, all in all, not a completely wasted day.

We Tivoed SPN. Hopefully it took, 'cause last week the local broadcast was utterly garbled. Unfortunately, since I didn't try to watch it until Sunday, I missed recording the re-air on Space on Friday or Saturday or whenever it is. Fucknuts.

Anyway. I hope your day was as unexpectedly (or expectedly) productive as mine (or satisfying, at least).

Bye.

PS: In two days, I will be able to transfer my domain to NearlyFreeSpeech.net, and I can has a website again! Yay!

Regarding Dexter 1.07, "Circle Of Friends." WHAT? WHAT? They killed off the baby serial killer! That is so mean! He was a psychologically traumatized hustler, guys! He was a baby serial killer who hustled in a park and had animal chemistry with Michael C. Hall, of all people! You can't kill him off! Except they totally did.

I carried such a torch. /kaywinnitleefrye

Also, the last scene was completely fucking fantastic. He thinks he's not capable of feeling? What was on his face, then? Disappointment, resignation, confusion, hope? Adorable. And hilarious. I really like this show!

Events of local interest:

1. T-Bodies Productions presents Trans Continuum, a dance party. November 27, at Lick.

2. The (ir)Reverend Fred Phelps is coming to Vancouver! I know, right! A production of The Laramie Project is playing on The Drive, and Mr. Phelps apparently has nothing better to do than fly up here and picket. It's going to go over like a lead zeppelin, guys. Counter protest: Anti-Hate Rally on November 28, organized by the play's production company.

3. Barring unforeseen babies, Fall Out Boy are playing in Seattle on December 4 (with Boys Like Girls and The Academy Is ellipsis). estrellada and I are driving down on Thursday afternoon and returning Friday afternoon. Car buddies? Concert buddies? Anybody want merch purchased? Photos taken? Concert calls? I cannot speak for Tillie, but I personally draw the line at licking Certain Celebrities.

I think that's all. Yep. Angst-free this week! Huzzah and good--

Bye.

Oh wow, I'm sorry about that nonsense last night. I don't delete entries, but if I did, it would so be the first in line.

1. About half a hour after I posted, while I was reading myself to sleep (Fight Club, incidentally), I belatedly remembered all the times it has been proven to me that I'm wanted, and all the times I've felt wanted, and yeah. This is your brain on a lifetime of pessimism and blackhole lack of self-whatever.

2. Dude, the only potentiality of that post is making the people who care about you feel either pissed off or shitty, both of which are very bad things. Because they are awesome people and so fucking worth it, worth the interpesonal and just plain personal work, every day, all the time, and you? Are an asshole.

Which is not to say that I will never be emo again (haha), but hopefully this dose of perspective will last for a while.

*grumbly faces*

Bye.

When I grow up, I want to want someone who wants me back. Like, italicized, capital-w want, not just "yeah, we're both here and I like you well enough, that's cool," or "I love you, but I'm not into sex."

( nothing worth reading here. posting anyway because it's my journal and i can do that. )

Yeah, seriously. That was the most attractive post ever. Fuck's sake.

*goes to bed*

Bye.

About The Things That You've Done
Dean/Gordon | 1370 words | NC17

Disclaimer: Yeah, whatever. Don't own, don't sue.
Note(s): "Missing scene" from "Bloodlust" (episode 2.03). About as close to PWP as I ever get. Title/summary from "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac. I recommend listening to it while reading, if you can, in order to get the full effect. It's a multimedia experience. If you feel like talking at/to me about what little racial stuff there is in this story, I'm down with that (I'm just going to blame estrellada for all the bad shit anyway).

( Why not think about times to come, and not about the things that you've done. )

I kind of don't want to post this, out of consideration for those who are recently broken-up, but. Whatever.

The other night, I said something self-deprecating, and the bf was like, "If I wanted somebody who wasn't like you, I wouldn't be with you." I don't know. Happy Relationship Moment, or something.

We're going to Germany next May, btw. For ten days. Fun times! I have to renew my passport!

Bye!

I'm watching last night's The Hour, and Robert Kennedy, Jr., is like, "The only guy telling the truth in today's media is Keith Olbermann. All the other guys are just like a karaoke group for Karl Rove." Amazing. Amazing.

Junior also thinks the most significant single act of green Canadians can commit is sneaking across the border next Tuesday and voting for Obama. I totally would, Junior! I totally would. But I have to work. Also, I don't want to be arrested.

Now Lewis Black is on. I love this show.

Bye.

Hey! I stayed home from Parade of Lost Souls to watch Dexter (s1 is showing "uncut haha" on Bravo, so I decided to give it a try, and I am so glad I did*) and Guy Ripley on the set of "I Don't Care." I also stayed home to ensure good weather for everyone attending. Worth it!

(Kind of. Whatever, I'm ridiculous and couldn't find exactly the right skeleton gloves for my costume, or exactly the right top hat. Stuff.)

I'm still thinking about the new username. Stayed tuned, or don't. Doing a massive-for-me flist cut as well. I'm going to cut loose all of the comms, and a bunch of people who friended me four years ago probably hoping I would post explicit scene reports or something, idk. I want to get the flist under control so I can get caught back up with everyone I actually know and care about. Awesome!

eta: Really? Really? Look at how many of you haven't defriended me. I'm shocked. I mean--filters, of course. But seriously? Two people? This is just--weird. Anyway.

SPN: I loved "Monster Movie," blahblah horror movies and gender cakes. I also really liked "Yellow Fever," except for Jensen being absolutely horribly over the top two-thirds of the time (maybe he only did it so Jared would look professional by comparison?). But then he was absolutely brilliantly over the top in the credits (it's the THRILL of the FIGHT! estrellada!), and Jared was laughing, so that's okay.

Further to SPN, plus some srs bidnis: I am writing a fic (really, finishing a fic that I started two years ago, whatever), and I'm very worried about revivifying the icky Fetishizations ov teh Black Menz wank (not that anyone pays attention to my SPN fic, but still. The one time you don't want people to notice you've posted something, right). I don't know. Maybe when I'm actually finished the story, I will ask for opinions. Or I'll just post it. Because it's one sentence, really. And it's Dean. Dean has not had his consciousness raised. Dean thinks stupid things. I'm just talking to myself now, sorry.

I'm gonna go work on that thing, okay.

Bye.


*Um. Fic? Preferably very, very of the homogay sex type. Possibly featuring our esteemed anti-hero and the barely-legal manslaughterer from 1.03? I. I don't know. Sometimes I get like this. It's bad. At least I don't kill people for fun? And at least it's not pianists this time? Shrug.

Poem! I need to get my ass in a creative writing class again soon, Christ on a cracker. Also, back on that chapbook thing. No one will ever let me put their stuff in my pipedream like-a-zine-but-not-as-cool if I have no experience stapling things.

( short but cut 'cause maybe you don't care, idk. )

Also!

Dear SPN people who haven't defriended me or filtered out this journal,

Hi! I miss you! I'm really fucking sad I'm not at winchestercon right now. This is weird, because I fully expected to be, you know, disappointed in an abstract kind of way, but not actively sad. I don't know. I hope, if you're there, you're having a fantastic time, etc., and let me tell you, though you probably don't care at all, if I could be there? I so completely would. It's just--I need my job, and I'm not allowed any time off until two weeks from now. Seriously, I can't even call in sick. SUCKS. Anyway, don't burn the hotel down.

Best,
BJ (who dreamed last night about leading an ethics panel at an RPF con. Do not want, subconscious!)

Bye.

1. I voted! It's not my fault if democracy fails!

2. My free will horoscope this week says I should figure out my "prime question." The one thing I want to ask everyone I meet.

( click for a video and the answer. which is a question. um. )

3. I'm going to re-rename this journal. Because I've felt disconnected from it since I got this name (like two years ago, ha). Just give me a minute or six months to think of something.

4. For those who care, an audio-only Youtube of the new FOB song: "What A Catch, Donnie." From the mid-point on, it's kind of like if "Hey Jude" and "We Are The World" had a baby. Or something. I like it!

5. Lastly, oh Supernatural. A black and white episode? You're adorable.

Bye.

Haha, I guess last week was the wrong week to be all "meh" that I didn't Tivo Supernatural? Awesome.

( spoilers for 'metamorphosis.' )

That's all! Same bat time, same bat channel! Well, not really. They moved the local channels around again in September, so SPN isn't on the same channels anymore, so I had to update my Season Pass, which I didn't do until yesterday, which is why I didn't get last week on the Tivo. Keeping up with TV is hard, yo. I didn't realize it until I got into a fandom where the canon is downloadable and Googleable and on Buzznet and can actually be text messaged to you for free (\o/).

RPF: The refuge of a lazy fan.

In other news--Matthew Good live DVD on November 4, what??? New album next spring, what??? Very excited!

Also, I signed up for Twitter. I haven't actually used it yet, but whatever. I'm azurejay over there, 'cause it's shorter and people on that flist seem more into this crap than you guys (you're my rational, adult flist. I love you).

Bye.

So over on the other flist, nafs recently purchased and reviewed the ten-year anniversary edition of Sports Night on DVD. Completely by coincidence, I had popped in disc one of the original edition that same day. Which, of course, has prompted a spontaneous re-viewing of the whole bloody thing.

I'm about halfway through "Rebecca," and I just. This show, guys. Seriously, this show. "Mary Pat Shelby" through "Thespis" is the best nearly-two hours of television I've watched since--probably the last time I watched "Draft Day," to be honest. And Dan and Casey's back and forth regarding Sally in "Smoky," okay. My god, the animal tension. The timing. SATAN'S HANDMAIDEN.

In any case.

I guess I just wanted to share the love all over again. What an amazing thing it is, that Sports Night.

DAN: Can I interest either of you in the sport of kings?
DANA: We're going to race horses?
DAN: No, we're going to play poker.
DANA: Poker's not the sport of kings.
DAN: What's the sport of kings?
DANA: Racing horses.
DAN: Well then what's poker the sport of?
DANA: It's the sport of people who play poker.
DAN: Thank you.

--"Shoe Money Tonight"

Hey there. It's been a month! Again! But SPN is back and I have a Renewed Resolve to Reconnect with this journal. Because I'm pretty sure Dean can't sue me for writing stories about how he was actually born a girl. Or something.

Mostly these are location things, but also some speculation, with a couple of complaints sprinkled throughout. Or a few. Whatever. HI SHOW, I MISSED YOU. I like complaining about you best!

( lazarus rising, briefly. )

( whatever tonight's episode was called, less briefly. )

I'm actually not minding Ruby, or the Ruby/Samness thus far, other than the casting irritations. I just--for some reason, I can academically handwave away a lot of sexism, but not so much the religious shit. Mostly because I thought they were smarter than that. Sexism takes a lot of thought and smarts to work through (obviously), whereas religion really doesn't. I don't know.

Seriously, seriously. Show, it's much more fun to complain about you than Pete Wentz. Because you can't actually procreate!

See you next week?

Bye.

This is like two weeks old.

( brief poem. )

Bye.

I had a really brilliant time at the very first Slick party last night.

( review. )

In other news, we discovered that I have some cysts on my cervix, so I gotta hie me to a pelvic exam as soon as I'm off the rag (the cysts are not painful--I don't think. I do have pelvic pain now and again, but I always figured that was 'cause of my GI stuff and the PCOS; yay TMI). Any recommendations for clinics that do PEs? I'll drive/transit anywhere I'm guaranteed won't give me a disgusted look when I ask for one.

(I can't remember the name of the OBGYN who did my revision two years ago, or I'd call her. Dammit.)

Anyway. Did you hear:

-it's my birthday this Saturday (next Saturday?);
-SPN s3 DVDs on Tuesday! Eee!;
-FOB mixtape, FOB mixtape, FOB mixtape. I kind of like "Lake Effect Kid," and I sort of wish my current music (title is the definition of tl;dr) was actually a FOB song, but whatevs (so! Catchy! Omg Patrick Stump!). The best part of "ALPHAdog and OMEGAlomaniac" is the title, sadly;
-my site is down, wtf?

Bye.

Re: bandom person I was complaining about the other day.

SHE DID IT AGAIN (what obvious songwriting problems? Oh! The ones in your head. And Pete is always nostalgic, hi. Jesus fuck).

That's it. I either have to filter her out or defriend her or get into it with her. Let's see! Which option involves the fewest clicks!

Bye.

PS: The worst part is that, on some level, I'm like--what if she's right. About the end result, anyway, if not the specific interpersonal things (which she is just wronger than wrong about--Pete is not that good an actor, okay. If he and Patrick were having Issues, Patrick would not have been on his TV show, etc.).

PPS: Why yes. This post is pretty much indicative of what I've been doing with myself for the last year, fandom-wise. You didn't really miss me that much, did you?

I'm really not fit for human consumption right now. Thanks, people who have left good wishes for my dad/expressions of sympathy, etc. It is appreciated.

( the best thing about bandom is whining about bandom. )

In other news: I think I was supposed to be a hermit. I am so, so bad with people. It boggles the mind.

Bye.

And now! My dad gets a pacemaker! Because his heart keeps slowing down while he's asleep! Fun and games!

I think he's lucky, 'cause now he doesn't have to go through metal detectors anymore. Those things freak me out.

In other news, I opened an RRSP/mutual funds account today, and we are leaving to see The Dark Knight (FINALLY) in two minutes.

Bye.